Monday, March 23, 2009

"Yes...but have you NAMED them yet?"

I think I might be going crazy.

I realized the other day that I have named 6 (count 'em, SIX) technological devices in my life. And not only that, but they all have a personality.

  • Laptop --> Flamingo, aka Flammy. Flaming gay, loves pink feather boas and Jamieson's laptop, Licorice. Is just himself. The Canadian in my group - pale, but sensitive, intelligent, just everything you'd want in a best friend.

  • Printer --> Louise. No nonsense. Bosses everyone around and always gets her way, but with a soft side. If she was an animal, she'd be a hippo, with a big booty and proud of it. She loves Flammy (the oldest friends) and will defend anyone who teases him to the death.

  • iPod --> Carmella. The sassy Latina. Bitchy and sneaky when she wants to be, but has a vulnerable side - every now and then, is very compliant. She and Louise have a history, and are best friends on and off.

  • Camera --> Jefferson. Named after Jefferson Airplane. Is Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde - his/her sweet transvestite side comes out late at night, and he/she rocks the city.

  • Desktop (family) computer --> Lucy. She used to be friends with all these guys, but moved away for a while, and recently got reaccquainted. She's a dumb blonde. She works hard when she needs to, but is known to get distracted and crash on unwitting users. But kind, deep down.

  • External hard drive --> Jake. He's new to my little world here, but he's a sturdy bodybuilder. Don't nix him yet, he's incredibly strong and always trustworthy. Andre the Giant type. Sweet and gentle, but don't piss him off. Is secretly in love with Louise, his female counterpart, but knows they'll never be together. You never plug a hard drive into a printer.

I've, apparently, always been creative. But I thought I "grew out of it". Actually, come to think of it, I'm glad my loony elements are still around. I love picturing all these people interacting with each other. Like we were talking about in English today, it's a microcosm. Elements of every type of person in the world, packed into one area, or one town, or, in my case, one room.

It's like the EPIC (Dr. K voice: NYYEEPIC!) soap opera Jamie and I are working on. We identify SO MUCH with all the characters. For example, Phil is pure. Gay, loving, loveable, emotional, heartfelt - he's perfect and ideal and we love him. More about this soap opera in a later post.

Meanwhile, some thoughts. "Tip of the hat, wag of the finger", if you will.

First of all, a GIANT wag of my finger to the anecdote: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Ridiculous statement. If someone handed you a lemon, you could make lemon juice, which is just as sour as regular lemons. If life hands you lemons, water, sugar, ice, a jug, and a spoon, then you're in like flinn, but other than that? PFFT.

Next, a grand tip of my hat to Chuck, aka Koonoo, a character in the Judd Apatow movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, for sympathizing with me on my previous point. When sitting on a surfboard, floating on the sea, he says, "When life hands you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons', and bail." Hells to the yes.

Thirdly, a WAGGIE WAGGIE of my finger to my dog, Shada. We were in panic-mode this morning when we thought she ran away, and it turns out she had just been hiding under my bed. I went off to school thinking Tony had found her around the block, but he had actually found her inside our house. She's never run away before, so I don't know why she would want to. We still don't know where she was, probably just under a bed eating my Kleenex, with the sound muffled by my comforter. But we love her, and are glad to have her back...from...being fake lost.

Lastly, a tip of my tophat to my mom, who had probably one of the WORST days in existence today, but who is a good enough person not to take it out on her lazy-ass, good-for-nothing kids.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

homage to my hips

these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top
Lucille Clifton


Monday, March 16, 2009

So you've got the God Complex.


I like being God.

Teehee. Not really. But Sims is what Tony calls a "God Complex" game, and I suppose that's true. You control the environment your characters live in, what they look like, who they love, even when they go to the bathroom or sleep. But when it comes to game play, I'm pretty different from the other Sims-ers I've met. I get sooo bored of making families. I always end up doing the same people, it's boring. Cmon already. But I spend hours on end desinging the ideal home for those families I hate making. Yeah, so, sometimes they look similar to other ones I've made, but I know what I like.

So, after finally finishing a huge "ranch"-esque house (not really, it just looks like a big ol' farmhouse from the outside), I got giddy and tried to bring it into my own life. Without a menu where I can pick any object in any color I could possibly want in my room, it was a little more tricky, but Tony and I did manage to move a couch from downstairs all the way into my room. Sweat + dust + shrieking + bellowing + "a few" giggles = that experience, but anyway, it's in here now. I got my rug back out, found a table from the patio (which I had to hose off, how cool am I), another table from downstairs, another armchair - it was insane. BUT NOW: I have a seating area in my room. Yeah huh huh. My mom's room would be the same size as mine, but it has an uber closet, and Tony's has a bathroom and uber closet, so technically, mine's the biggest. Meaning my bed, nightstand, desk, bookshelves, and mock makeup table (an end table with a mirror on it, score) look really, really stupid shoved up against the walls with room to flander (or get Broken - riiight, riiight) in the middle. Add in a couch, problem solved.

Yeah, okay, fine, you probably don't care. But only a few things can get me that high - organizing, stationary, toiletries, and desigining. Oh, and making newspapers for English. So yeah. Figured I'd write about it. (I'M NOT A DORK! I'M NOT!)

Sims 3 is coming out soon. The all-knowing Wikipedia tells us: The build and buy modes have been revamped. The square outlines that appear on the ground (often referred to as a grid or tile)—apparent when entering build or buy mode—are now four times smaller to give the player more liberty to place objects where they want. The square grid allows the player to see where they can possibly place the objects in the game. There is now an option to turn off the grid. This feature will make objects easier to locate at the player's desired location instead of being restricted to a bigger tile. Objects can also be rotated freely. Certain pieces of furniture, such as chairs and tables, can easily be moved together. Also, many small objects can be put on a table very close together as long as they don't intersect each other.

Though this really seems like nothing to the non Sims-er, this is HUGE (and, folks, we mean HUGE) to anyone who has followed the Sims games from Sims 1, where there were 3 levels of zoom and 8 pre-made characters. So the nail biting begins, while we nerds (though, you know, I'm okay with that) wait for a) the release of this fantasticoness, and b) my disk drive to get fixed. Teehee.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

"She likes...MUUSIC!"

Bob Dylan's voice makes me horribly depressed, and I don't know why. "The Times, They Are A-Changing" in particular, makes me feel like bursting into tears. Why is that?

"For What It's Worth", by Buffalo Springfield, has random and slightly scary lyrics - "there's a man with a gun over there, and he's tellin' me I got to beware" - but it makes me feel hopeful. I think it's because it was the only song on the Forest Gump soundtrack I liked, back when we first got it.

Both versions of "Jailhouse Rock" that I know, by the Blues Brothers and Elvis, make me want to jump on a table, shake my knees, and then whip around to sing the opening lyrics. 

Is it wrong that I despise Bob Marley? I've heard that he was a really cool dude, and said some cool stuff, but his music just plain pisses me off. And people have totally made him into a stereotype, like Bob Marley = weed and red+yellow+green. Period.

Little Richard kinda makes my head hurt. No offense to anyone who likes him, he just seems to have too much energy for me.

I hate that I'm sick of Coldplay. I played it over and over and over again once I got all four of their CDs from Feenster, and now I'm all "guhhh" everytime I hear their songs. I still like 'em, just in small quantities.

I'm upset that HSM and Naima Thompson ruined two really, really good songs: "Oye Como Va", Santana; and "Hotel California", The Eagles. That bitch.

"Video Killed the Radio Star" is one of the saddest songs in existence. It's all about the old, vintage, and hardened being replaced by the pretty, new, shiny stuff. Like "the dreaded Marco" and Charlie did to Rob in High Fidelity: "He was just...a little more...sparkly?"

I always say that I hate covers (ie, the sh!theads Fall Out Boy re-doing "Beat It" -- how dare they), but I've heard the original "Mustang Sally", by Wilson Pickett, and I have to say, I prefer The Commitments' version.

I thought I would really, really hate Tupac, but I heard "California Love", and I kind of like it.

Dido should sing happier songs. She has such a gorgeous voice, but all of her songs are so sad.

I think Aretha Franklin should get more credit for being such a kickass singer. Instead, millions of little girls are growing up with Mylie Cyrus as their main musical influence. What. Is that. Seriously.

This is random, and off topic, but Wikipedia just informed me that a mall in Dhaka (the biggest in South Asia - who knew?) caught on fire today, killing 4 people and injuring around a hundred more. I went to that mall when it was still under construction, and even though I never had any real connection to it, I now feel rather miserable.

No one writes more random lyrics than Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Why is it that some bands, like The B-52s, seem to need the "T" in "The" to be capitalized, but some, like "The Eurythmics", it just looks totally wrong. "the Eurythmics" (which, by the way, is a wicked name for a band, even though I have no clue what it means) looks way better.

In the Tom Hanks movie "Big", he has to convince his best friend that it's actually him, a teenage kid, inside the 1988 Tom Hanks' body, and he does so by singing an inside-joke-ish song to him, something like, "We're goin' down down, baby" blah blah, then "Shimmy shimmy cocoa, WUH", or something. Ever since I saw this scene from the movie, I've really, really wished I knew all the words to the song.

I really don't like it when people name a song and an album with their own name. Like, if I was an artist, song = "Robin", album = "Robin", and my own name = Robin. It's just vain. And a little repetitive.

In Austin Powers 3 (the Goldmember one), he struts into a 60s club looking ultra fly, and "Shining Star" by Earth, Wind, and Fire (another sweet name) is playing. We, as a family, downloaded that song, from the then-popular "Kazaa", the Limewire equivalent. But, because it was pirate, it was named "Shinning Star", and now everytime I hear the song, I think of that, and I cannot help it.

Some songs are just too damn long. Yeah, I'm talking to you, "Marquee Moon", by Television.

Okay, I just don't get it. Is he saying, "She took my dad on?"

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Where A Kid Can Be A Kid

So that I stop shrieking "THAT'S LIKE MY CHILDHOOD" constantly and annoying my friends. A list of those little things that bring back the memories.

  • Orange Flinstones push-up popsicles

  • Freshly cut grass

  • Sawdust

  • Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These), The Eurythmics

  • Chain of Fools, Aretha Franklin

  • The Boxcar Children Series

  • Monopoly

  • Charlie perfume

  • Oil of Olay lotion

  • Mustang Sally, The Commitments

  • Pencil shavings

  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Gene Wilder version)

  • The Lion King (the first and best. None of this 1 1/2 shit)

  • Chapstick (the original flavor, black and cream-colored packaging)

  • Tomato plants' smell

  • Sunflowers

  • Tulips

  • Cupcakes with rings on them

  • Cambridge Public Library, children's section

  • Library books' smell

  • Smell (and this is weird) of sweat and excersise machines

  • Red paint on walls

  • Tootin' Boy

  • Wood

  • Flinstones kids' vitamins

  • Wooden building blocks

  • Toy trains & traintracks

  • Hot Wheels

  • Small backpacks

  • The Flag Bag

  • Blue-and-white striped couches

  • (Old) brown cars

  • Tim Russert

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

"I hate F@#KING March."

  1. No holidays, except one at the very end, meaning that there are four solid weeks with no breaks whatsoever.

  2. A ton of school trips that everyone but you is going on.

  3. You realize you're leaving in less than four months (is it three now?), making everything you do seem pointless.

  4. The guy you like tells you the two of you can't be together.

  5. The workload slowly and steadily increases.

  6. The departure of your I'm-Aussie-So-I-Move-At-Christmas friends has finally sunk in.

  7. Rehersals ominously become more frequent.

  8. You discover an odd, therefore-symbol pattern of bites on your forehead, and have no clue what caused them.

  9. After February's work on growing out your nails, they start breaking and you slip back into biting them.

  10. No new Scrubs episodes have been shown for the last four weeks, causing you to, in simple terms, die.

  11. Your best friend's love life is frolicking and joyous in comparison to yours, depressing you.

  12. Your evil Algebra teacher makes the previously comfortable topic of square roots incredibly complicated by adding, get this: an imaaaaginary muffin number.

  13. You've run out of ways to wear your hair. Braid, with optional headband, or up and in a clip. The end.

  14. Though there must be a million good books pertaining to revolutions or rebellions between 1700 and now, you can't seem to find a single one.

  15. You find out that the next Scrubs episode will be aired on Wednesday, March 18th, two weeks from now. Phail.

  16. For some reason, you're ridiculously tired almost 24/7, even though you seem to be getting more sleep than usual.

  17. Your mom warns that she'll be physically absent for the next few weeks/months. Summit of tha 'Mericas.

  18. The usual anguish involved with waking up in the morning has gotten much, much worse.

  19. There are actually some good things happening this month, like your new lotion and deoderant (see posts relating to toiletries), but for some reason (maybe because they're relatively small) they still don't help.

  20. You feel RIDICULOUS for writing such a morbid, "emo" post, but it's kinda the only thing you're thinking about lately. And the evil "you" pattern I started with got carried throughout and sounds weird in some of them. But who doth care.