Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Normally, I hate sports. Like, come on. Why would I want to run around, sweating, with other people watching, being relied upon to do something important, when I can sit on my couch with a Diet Coke and watch Friends? I'm all for people being fit and active and healthy, but at some point in history, someone, somewhere, decided it would be a GOOD idea for us to *watch* people work out. I get that it's entertainment, but after a while, you're just a fat guy sitting in a bar, hot sauce from buffalo wings dripping down your chin, cheering at people you've never met and who can't hear you. I have always thought this, and I probably always will.

Until recently.

Right now seems like *the* time for sports. Wimbledon, the World Cup, and Major League Baseball are all going on (as well as basketball, I guess, I dunno, wasn't there that Lakers-Celtics game a while ago?), which is more than usual. Always a baseball fan, I used to think the only sport I could watch without screaming was the Great American Past-time. For some reason, and I don't know if it's the incredible boredom I've encountered being on summer vacation with nothing but a TV and my laptop to entertain me, my tolerance for watching sports has diminished.

It started when I sat down and watched the USA-Ghana FIFA game. Yeah. SOCCER. The one sport I thought I could never sit through. I guess it was because of my newfound love for my native country, but I was more interested in the intense game than usual, and really, really wanted my boys to win.

Then, today, a momentous occasion - I watched a match at Wimbledon. Now, TENNIS, tennis is something I used to think I could play ONLY BECAUSE of the really cute bags players get for all their equipment. THAT'S how out of it I was. I used to only watch Wimbledon when I was with my dad or other British relatives, where I just wanted to stay up late and watch them get drunker and drunker (usually post-Wimbledon).

It must be because of the aforementioned new pride for the US, but I found myself totally interested in a Venus Williams match. She lost, but I learnt a surprising amount about tennis, and learnt it is something I could never, ever, ever, ever do.

But American Football - I will never go there. I will watch the halftime show at the Superbowl, but oh god. Don't get me started.

Monday, June 28, 2010


(I really, really hate that song. Just saying.)

You may notice something different about HLL today. It is now very, very SEXY and I like it. I hope you do too.

I want to introduce you to someone new in the neighborhood. Her name is Tara and she just got her very first blog. You can find it at memoirsofarat.blogspot.com/. She is an awesome girl and I love her very very much and you should read her blog because it is going to be epic.

I have often thought that blogging is stupid. That it's like writing a diary and posting it on the internet and bugging people to read it. I'll probably return to this way of thinking pretty soon, but for now, I'm in a nice place where blogging is fun and new and can be so prettyyyy.

I also re-designed my OTHER blog and deleted all of the posts I hated. I'm sure I realize soon that that was a terrible idea, but at least now the posts can be co-habitating.

AND ANOTHER THING - I haven't categorized or tagged any of my latest posts. I'm not sure if this is a habit I'll be dropping completely, or coming back to in a while. We'll see.

See? Everything's up in the air, and I like it, a lot.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

June, Differently

I've dodged around the question for months now, and I can't do it anymore.

My trip to Trinidad in February was a little disappointing.

I can't say how great it was to see my friends again. We needed it so badly, and on that front, the trip was completely validated. But my over-planning and reliance on other people hurt more than it helped, and I ended up more frustrated than exuberant.

Since HLL is pretty much reborn now, I guess I can talk about whatever I want, right? So here goes.

That trip ruined my relationship with my then-boyfriend. Sorry if you don't want to hear about this, but I want to talk about it.

After doing the long-distance thing for so many months, when we were finally together again, it was awkward and weird and we never recovered. If I hadn't gone to visit, I think we would still be together today.

It's nice, really nice, to be able to talk about stuff like this, and to do it in a place I love. I said in my previous post that things are emotional right now? June is always weird like that for me. Wherever I've lived, it was the end of things. Prom, final exams, my birthday, going away parties, the last day of school, graduation. It's about wrapping things up, ending the cycles, and, more often than not, saying goodbye to people you've grown to love.

The weird thing about my life now is that none of that happened. Yes, I still had exams and my birthday, but the environment for the last days of school was so different, I was thrown.

I kept hearing about Trinidad's June - the June I should have been experiencing, it felt like. I started concocting schemes of moving back there - who I would live with, what I would tell my Canadian friends.

I miss my friends more than I can say, but remaining so connected to them makes things infinitely harder.


Hey. I'm back.

Well, okay, don't get your hopes up, I'm not *back*. I'm just here, and then I'll be gone again, but I might come back. Eventually. Or maybe not.

See, I'm keeping you on your toes.

But I have some new rules I would like to talk to you about.

Do not, please, DO. NOT. mention my blog to me in person. You can comment, I love comments, but keep them to the web. Please. It is a small, easy-to-follow request. When people talk about my blog in public, it makes my skin crawl. I once apologized to a friend on my blog, and now whenever the topic comes up, she's off and talking about my blog and I hate it. Come on. If you've acted, you know what the fourth wall is. A stage is (generally) made up of three walls - left, right, and back. The *imaginary* fourth wall is what would complete the square, the wall on the edge of the stage, that separates the audience from the actors. Having the actors interact with the audience is called breaking the fourth wall.

People. I like the fourth wall. I will be very sad if you break it.

Another thing - stop with the pressure! One of the main reasons I stopped blogging in the first place is because I felt like I HAD to write all the time, about everything I was doing in life - people were breaking rule #1 and instead of enjoying a moment or an event, telling me I "haveeeee to write about this on your bloggg, oh my GOD". It's not COOL.

Another reason I stopped blogging is because I started reading other people's blogs. Blogs like hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ and veronicamarcettidimick.blogspot.com/, while hilarious and amazing in their own ways, are not the same as my blog and their style is not, and never will be, my style. I tried too hard to make my blog funny and lolzy and because of that, it came out whiney and bitchy. It's just not for me.

I know that's not really a rule, it's just a general comment.

I will always have a special place in my heart for Happy Little Lemon, and it broke my heart to leave it. I couldn't go long without a blog, so I turned to Blogspot and lemonsandflamingos.blogspot.com/. If you want to find out what was going on with me all of March and some of April, go there, but it won't tell you much. It was mostly my excitement at being able to easily post pictures on that blog that fueled it. It was heavily lacking in content, but it was pretty, prettier than I could make a Wordpress.

So it came down to looks vs. intelligence, and guess what I chose, when under pressure? Not the smart choice, I'll tell you that.

But things are emotional these days. Not Intervention (that TV show)-emotional, just, differently emotional. There are things going on, man things, friend things, family things, that I can talk to some people about, but in the end, it's me who has to deal with it. But having a blog for some of 10th grade was helpful in a way I can never express.

I miss the world that this blog used to represent.

If you're reading this, it means you still have a little bit of faith in me, and I will always appreciate that.

Friday, June 18, 2010


It's my birthday tomorrow, and I'm feeling anything but senitmental.

I'm hot, itchy, tired, dirty, sweaty, but mostly tired. I wish I was more enthusiastic about the fact that I'm going to wake up tomorrow a 16 year old. It's a weird thought.

My birthday party was fun, but it made me more mad (begrudging, really) than pumped.

Hey, I just turned 16. Look at that.

Friday, June 4, 2010

This Clock Never Seemed So Alive

No matter where I am, what I'm doing, or what mood I'm in, "You and Me" by Lifehouse sobers me up and makes me miss what, and who, I've lost.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

To You

I keep your picture on my night stand.

I keep your poem below my mirror.

I keep your sticker on my stereo.

I keep your labels on my chest.

I keep your ticket stubs by my door.

I keep your money in a wad.

I keep your writing on my shirt.

I keep your photography in my folders.

I keep your songs on replay.

I keep your world in my computer.

I keep your memories. I keep your love. I keep your face.

I keep you.