Monday, September 6, 2010

There's Just More White to Love!

I consider myself a confident person. That being said, my self-esteem goes up and down more than...something that goes up and down a lot.

Things that murder my self-confidence and leave me wanting to crawl under my covers with nothing but a pack of double-stuffed Oreos and three seasons of Smallville include trying on swimsuits, being around my cousin Shayleigh while being within ten feet of a mirror, sunbathing, and being sweaty.

Things that make me love myself and every curve I have are things like well-fitting jeans, bulky sweaters, having my makeup done by Mai, waking up acne-free, seeing this picture (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/photo.php?pid=2502126&id=565781751&ref=fbx_album), straightening my hair to perfection, painting my fingernails black, and watching Chris Rock, who normally annoys me, do stand-up about how much black guys love chunky white girls.

Before a day of what I was sure was going to be soul-crushingly painful clothes shopping, I watched a good hour of this stand-up. (There were no Saturday morning cartoons on.)

But what all the Chris Rock the crappy Canadian Comedy channel had on at 8 in the morning couldn't prepare me for was a little store called Aeropostale.

A haven for those seeking American grunge-style clothes without adopting the Kurt Cobain personality (see: Ke$ha), Aeropostale is famous for it's eagle logo, plaid chambray shirts, and ridiculous pretention, all seeping through over-priced, mass-produced clothing and accessories. And we just can't get enough of it.

Silly me, I decided to go into an Aeropostale on the Saturday of American Labor Day weekend. It was completely packed, but the sign that screamed "$15 Hoodies!" was irresistible. Turns out they were actually sweatshirts in ugly colors (note: difference between hoodies and sweatshirts - a zipper up the front. Sweatshirts have to be pulled over your head. Duh) but I ended up finding REAL hoodies and cute shirts in my size, which, I was sad to discover during this shopping trip, is a Large, if I want any breathing room. After waiting in line for what felt like FOREVER for a changing room, I was enraged to find that the Large size was tight on me.

Now, I am NOT a fat-ass. I know I can't convince you of that, imaginary internet readers. But I am AVERAGE in sweet, kind, lovely stores like Penney's and Target. And so while I still drool over the gorgeous clothes sold in places like Aeropostale and American Apparel, I have to come to the realization that hipster joints have done the opposite of what Morgan Spurlock talked about. They've labeled the Medium sizes "Large", and the Larges "Supersized" in an effort to make us all feel bad about ourselves.

I think it's time I put aside my Chris Rock issues and load up on his wisdom before I go back for Shopping Trip, Volume 2.

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