Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Thing About Compliments; A Jagged Gorgeous Winter; My Cup Size

Compliments, rather than making me proud, tend to make me squirm.

I'm chatting to Eoin and trying to explain why compliments rarely work. I think it's because people are so quick to say nice things ("I love your hair", "I want those shoes", "Your eye makeup looks really good") that they're not a rarity. And, like all nice things, the more common they are, the less valuable it makes them.

If Don Draper were to compliment me, I would die. It would make my life.

If Eoin, or a friend, or my mom, compliments me, I appreciate it just as much, and I love that they do it, but it's not a day-altering experience.

That's all I have to say about that.

I hope you enjoyed that picture. I'm going to talk about something else now.

Winter is coming.

I don't know how I feel about that. I didn't really notice it last year. We got in a bit of a rut in winter, and I just sort of went through it in a fog. 11th grade overall went ridiculously fast, but it was like I moved to Canada, then stuff happened, and then it was Spring Session already.

I'm thinking about myself a lot lately. Not really in a bad way. I'm thinking about how I look (also not in a bad way), and confidence. I'm thinking that I've always wanted to have a skinny stomach and smaller thighs but how proud I am of my hips and chest.

My women's studies class makes me think about these things, and why I wear makeup and style my hair the way I do. And even when I'm home alone, and wearing my black sweatpants, and a tight-fitting black v-neck, and my hair looks banging with a red scarf in it, I have this incredible confidence that lets me swing my hips around my room, singing along to the Ting Tings and organizing. I'm thinking about how even if I'm not going to see anyone, looking good makes me feel good, and feeling good feels GOOD.

I like makeup. And hair. And my C-cups. And while I could live without my stretch marks, and wouldn't mind slightly whiter teeth, I'm learning to cope with what, and who, I am right now.